Don't Forget Who Is in Charge--You
We all have responsibilities, but it's what we do between those times that make us feel good.
My summer schedule has been wonky. Our daughter is in and out with different work shifts and concerts and social activities. My husband just got back from a weeklong trip. I’ve had long workdays and weekends filled with celebrations and work deadlines.
The days are full, and I’ve felt a little frayed at times, trying to meet my work responsibilities, while preserving the sporadic family time in between grocery shopping trips, paying bills, and loads of laundry.
So, on Monday, I took off at 3 p.m. to go golfing.
Not to shirk my responsibilities, but to redefine the use of my time in a way that matters to me.
The poet Mary Oliver wrote: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
I have that framed and sitting in my office.
We Are in Charge
It is so easy to get locked in the daily routine of work and chores, maybe falling asleep on the couch halfway through the show, that we forget our “wild and precious life”. We forget that we are in charge.
It doesn’t always feel like that, does it?
We’ve got real-world demands. Bills to pay on the fifteenth. Work that starts at 8 a.m. and keeps us going till 5 p.m. When I had young children, my schedule was also dictated by bedtimes, naps, and pediatrician appointments, which fit in around vet appointments and work deadlines.
It’s easy to forget that we are in charge of the lives we live. We get a say in how we use our time. Remembering that is essential to our happiness and the key to living the life we want.
A Case of the Mondays
One of the reasons so many despise Monday is that we don’t have autonomy over our schedules. It acts as a reminder that we are expected to show up for work at a certain time, do a certain thing, and do it until we are done, making it feel as though we have less control over how we spend our time.
Research shows that autonomy—the ability to decide how we will use our hours— is essential to our happiness, because we are free to use our time in ways that add meaning and purpose to our lives (or not).
So, how do you use your time?
How is that working for you?
I get the demands of work and life. I feel the pressure too. But between all those hard lines in our schedule, we have squiggles. Pockets of time.
These gaps can be meaning-filled, purposeful, and joy-filled. Or— they can be missed moments where we spend our time thinking oh, I'd sure like to meditate, but I just don’t have the time. Or, I wish I could get in some reading today, but I’m just too busy.
Baloney.
Identify the spaces where you are in charge and decide right now to fill them up with the things that make you feel good. A call to a friend. A walk up the block. A conversation with your kid, or a moment outside listening to the birds.
Freedom comes when we are deliberate in how we use our time, not by letting it pass unnoticed. Not doing things by default, but by purposefully determining how we live in the time we have. In making decisions about how we use it. Actively shaping our lives by doing the things that matter to us.
Change With the Times
The structure of my schedule has changed this week. My husband has a day off from work due to a holiday in the United States. My deadlines have changed too, because others are out of the office. A friend needed to reschedule our visit. When those planned and established structures change, it’s a good time for us to mix it up too.
To consider where we can amp up the joy, follow our curiosity, add meaning.
If you love sketching, when will you sketch today? Maybe a few minutes on your morning break?
Running? Put that on your list. Even just 10 minutes after work will feel good.
Family dinner? Plan it. Put it on the schedule. Tell everyone ahead of time. Maybe it will start at 6:30 instead of 6 p.m., but that won’t matter.
Freedom isn’t just about having free time. It’s about choosing how to use the time you have. When you do things that matter to you, you feel freer. You’re not just going through the motions. You’re actively shaping your life.
Be deliberate in how you use your time. You get to decide. And that is what freedom is.
-p