Hostility Does Not Help, Instead Take a Breath

Chill out and go with compassion

Photo by Maria Kovalets on Unsplash

Chill out.

That’s what I was telling myself when I felt my neck stiffen and my words become louder and faster while on the phone with the cable company’s customer service rep.

Breathe, I told myself. Listen. Pay attention before you pop off. Before you lose your mind.

I’ll confess—I did raise my voice in frustration after they spent a significant amount of time telling me what they wouldn’t and couldn’t do.

But I caught myself, and we were able to get through it. By the end, we were chatting about Oregon and teenagers.

The Cost of Blowing Up

The world is stressful and frustrating, but screaming our fool heads off isn’t going to calm things down or leave us feeling any better.

That momentary release of an angry outburst often costs us the things we want most: solutions, security, connection, peace, health.

Compassion, curiosity, and a few deep breaths do more to support our health and get us through a difficult moment.

Regulate, Don’t Repress

In episode 326 of Polly Campbell, Simply Said, executive coach Kristin Taylor—who also has a counseling background—says emotional regulation isn’t about pretending you don’t feel angry, anxious, or disappointed.

It’s about recognizing what’s happening in your body and giving yourself space to understand it before you act. That’s when we have a real chance to improve things instead of leaving hurt behind.

Simple? Sure, in concept. But tough when you’ve been talking to a customer service rep for 32 minutes and big feelings are flooding your nervous system.

The Choice in the Moment

When I catch myself snowballing, picking up speed and icy layers, I try to slow down and consider what I want from the situation.

Do I want to make things worse—sacrifice my mental health and well-being and the feelings of another? Or do I want to move toward something better?

I don’t always get it right. But I always have the choice. When I take a deep breath and lean into my compassion, I usually make a better one.

Go easy on yourself and others and take care.

-p