How to Dull the Sting of Feedback
Use well-intentioned and useful information to do better.
The other day my husband gave me a suggestion about my driving.
I wanted to rip his head off.
Yet in this rare instance, he wasn’t wrong, and it made sense to take his advice.
Though feedback and “notes” are a regular part of my work as a writer, I’m not always good at hearing constructive criticism in my personal life.
Yet the right kind of feedback can be a conduit for personal growth.
That doesn’t mean it won’t sting.
It Is Personal
Feedback can feel personal—because it is personal. Whether it’s from a boss, a friend, or your partner, hearing what someone thinks you could be doing “better” can trigger defensiveness, doubt, or just plain frustration. But if we can manage our reaction, feedback becomes less of a threat and more of a tool.
Pause Before You React
You don’t have to agree with everything your spouse or coworkers says, but give yourself a minute to take it in. Don’t respond right away. Take a breath. Give yourself space. Sometimes, the sting fades and what’s left is something helpful. Let your emotions settle before you decide what to do with the information.
Listen for Patterns
One person’s opinion? Interesting. Three people saying the same thing? Worth paying attention to. Patterns point to blind spots or behaviors you might not see on your own. Ask clarifying questions. Get curious instead of defensive.
Remember Your Goal
All feedback isn’t created equal. If it comes from someone who doesn’t get your values or is looking to undermine your work or goals, then let it go. Don’t become a people pleaser if the input you are getting doesn’t jive with what you feel is right or appropriate. Constructive criticism is valuable if we can use it to elevate ourselves and become better. If it doesn’t fit the bill, let it go.
Keep a Feel-Good File
Have a place—physical or digital—where you keep notes, compliments, thank-you messages, or kind reminders of who you are at your best. When critique hits hard, revisit this file to regain perspective.
Take in what helps. Release what doesn’t.
-p
Polly Campbell, Simply Said is a reader-supported publication. If you find value here, consider becoming a paid subscriber—it's less than the cost of one margarita a month. Your support helps me continue this work to inspire, encourage, inform, and entertain by sharing ideas that help us all live a little better.
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