The Dynamic Nature of Friendship
Being a friend is a greater predictor of life satisfaction than having a friend.
I got a text today from a friend I’ve known for 40 years. We met our freshman year in college. She’s still one of my favorite people.
We’ve celebrated births and grieved our dead, and we’ve stayed close despite families, moves, illness, and all the changes that happen in a life.
Yet other friendships that I also valued have faded, leaving me with a palette of warm memories.
That’s the nature of friendship, says Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, an expert on friendship and author of Friends Forever. She was a guest on Polly Campbell, Simply Said, where we talked about transitions and changing relationships.
Friendships are nuanced and complex, just as the people in the relationships are, so they are likely to change and either grow or fall away.
“Humans are dynamic—we don’t stay stagnant. Relationships that are going to endure have to flex too,” she said.
You don’t need a long list of friends. What matters is quality—having people you trust, enjoy, and want to support in return. In fact, being someone’s best friend is a stronger predictor of life satisfaction than simply having one.
But if a friendship regularly leaves you feeling drained, small, or unsupported—or if you don’t like who you are around the person—it may be time to let it go.
When Endings Are Inevitable
The loss of a close friendship can hurt—and it’s natural to grieve. If the relationship matters, it’s worth a conversation, maybe forgiveness. But some can’t be saved—and shouldn’t be. This isn’t because you have failed; it’s because life has changed. And the ending doesn’t have to be dramatic.
Sometimes letting it fade away can be a gentler way to move on.
Polly Campbell, Simply Said is a reader-supported publication. If you find value here, consider becoming a paid subscriber—it's less than the cost of one margarita a month. Your support helps me continue this work to inspire, encourage, inform, and entertain by sharing ideas that help us all live a little better.
Click “Subscribe now” and let’s make the world brighter, together. I believe in us—thanks for being here.