This Can Be Hard to Do, But It Makes Everything Else Easier
My four-step practice to manage chaos.
I’ve been feeling a little drained lately. Upset by the things I’m seeing in the world, frustrated by slow progress on a project, disappointed over a setback, and pulled in too many directions.
A real cocktail of negativity.
But here’s the thing: feeling upset doesn’t change anything. Yes, we need to feel our emotions and notice what they’re telling us, but then we need to do something with them. Sitting in the upset—ruminating, obsessing, overthinking—doesn’t move us forward.
What does? A four-step process: Accept. Appreciate. Adapt. Act.
Radical, maybe, but it works.
Why Acceptance Matters
Frustration, anger, disappointment—none of these emotions change the reality of what’s happening. Change starts with a thought, then an action. Complaining about what is won’t fix it.
Acceptance doesn’t mean liking a situation, resigning to it, or feeling helpless. It means recognizing reality as it is, without denial or avoidance.
When things feel overwhelming, our instinct is often to distract, numb, or resist. But real acceptance—acknowledging the truth of the moment—creates relief. Research shows acceptance increases psychological flexibility, lowers stress, and reduces the risk of depression and anxiety.
Lessons from Lockdown
During the COVID-19 pandemic, parents who accepted the uncertainty of lockdown experienced less distress, according to research. Healthcare workers who learned to sit with discomfort and adapt fared better emotionally.
The takeaway? Acceptance creates breathing room. It’s the pause before the pivot. The foundation for meaningful change.
From Acceptance to Appreciation
Once we accept, we can look for what the situation offers. Even the hardest experiences hold some kind of lesson or insight—if we pay attention.
Appreciation is not pretending everything is fine. It’s recognizing what we can learn or gain, however small. Gratitude shifts us toward optimism and hope, the energy we need to grow, manage stress, engage in life.
Accept, Appreciate…Adapt & Act
After we’ve accepted reality and found something to appreciate, it’s time to adapt.
Adaptation is creative problem-solving. It’s key in helping find new ways to create the feeling or objective we want. Choose a new goal, try a new method, or shift your approach.
Then take the next step forward. Act.
When an agent turns you down, accept the disappointment, appreciate the lesson, adapt your pitch—make improvements— and send it out again, act.
When a family conversation goes sideways, recognize the hurt, (acceptance) appreciate the insight, adapt your communication, and try again (action).
Life isn’t going to go our way all of the time—and that’s a good thing. Challenges stretch us. With acceptance, appreciation, adaptation, and action, we become more resilient, less reactive, and more open to growth.
5 Ways to Practice Acceptance Today
Name what you’re resisting. Say it out loud or write it down. Awareness is step one.
Stop fighting the present. You don’t have to like it, but acknowledge this is where you are.
Feel your feelings. Discomfort is data. Don’t rush to numb it.
Reflect, don’t react. Pause before choosing your next step.
Use peace to act. Once you’ve made peace with what is, ask: what’s next?
When you stop resisting reality, you reclaim your ability to shape it.
That’s when change happens.
Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s waking up—and then moving forward with clarity, strength, and intention. And that? Just feels better.
Be well,
—p
Polly Campbell, Simply Said is a reader-supported publication. If you find value here, consider becoming a paid subscriber—it's less than the cost of one margarita a month. Your support helps me continue this work to inspire, encourage, inform, and entertain by sharing ideas that help us all live a little better.
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